Why Matthew McConaughey Might Really Be Santa Clause

So, I watched a video earlier today, 25 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Christmas, which you can click on below.

When I got to points 20 and 21(which the video should be set to start at those points, my contribution to the ADHD generation) my ears perked up as I honestly didn't know that Santa had 31 hours, due to time zones and whatnot to make his trip, but when the video got to point 21, I had an epiphany!!! You see at point 21, Jordy, the guy who made the video (be sure to give it a like), says that Santa's sleigh would have to travel at 4.7 million miles per second in order to traverse the globe in 31 hours. Which, is physically impossible, probably.

But here's the thing, I just saw Interstellar, last year's Christopher Nolan science fiction epic starring Matthew McConaughey. So in the movie, Matthew McConaughey enters a particular kind of black hole, one that it is possible to survive entering either because of science or movie, either way, when Matthew McConaughey enters the black hole, he ends up in a hyper-cube or tesseract. Now a tesseract is to a cube what a cube is to a square, it's a cube with an added dimension and in Interstellar, the tesseract gives Matthew McConaughey access to his daughter's bookcase at different periods of time, or more accurately, at all times at once.

In the movie, Matthew McConaughey uses this ability to communicate with his daughter and tries to communicate to her not to let him go into space, which attempting to communicate this is exactly what gets Matthew McConaughey to go into space in the first place. Eventually, Matthew McConaughey figures out that it is pointless to try and change his personal past and attempts to get his daughter a message at a different point on her timeline, one that isn't part of Matthew McConaughey's personal past.

So, the point of all these spoilers for a movie you really should have seen by now if you were going to, and would have if you had listened to the man in your bookcase, is that Santa Clause delivers presents via a hyper-cube!!! You see, the story of Santa Clause riding in a magic sleigh drawn by 8 tiny reindeer is actually a reference to the 8 cubical cells that that make up a tesseract so that Santa Clause doesn't have to go any miles per hour in order to deliver presents everywhere on Christmas Eve. He only has to enter the hyper-cube and deliver all of the presents to everyone everywhere in, probably under a minute. And he probably only had to do it one time for all time because time is meaningless in the hyper-cube!

And here's the thing about chimneys and Santa: They are only a doorway just like a bookcase is is a doorway, just like a book is a doorway. And who is the god of doorways? The ancient Roman god, Janus, for whom January is named. He is also the god of beginnings and endings and he is generally depicted as having two faces, one watchings the past and one looking toward the future but this god is the hyper-cube and the only way the ancient Romans had of wrapping their minds around the concept was a two dimensional representation of time.

So, therefore, Matthew McConaughey is Santa Clause! Or, at least, stands as good a chance of being Santa Clause as anybody else.

So, Q to the E to the D.