Ego is Skeleton #2

Ego Is Skeleton 2

Well, my second paiting is almost done.  Who knows, maybe it is done.  I don't quite feel it yet. Maybe I want to do something with that tree?  Maybe I do want to add something that resembles cobble stones on the red path?  Maybe I just want to touch up the parts where the canvas still comes through.

Oddly enough, I like it much better when I see it in the smaller size.  It is much closer to the vision I have in my head.

In this version, I like the road side much better and I like the arch much better.  I also like the figure much better. I felt I got the effect of a wraith-like being while giving it some substance and a little more character.

I am going to post my pictures from my last blogpost just so that people who want to see all of the pictures together will have a one-stop.

Ego is Skeleton 1

Original source photograph

Original Self-Portrait #11

My First Painting!

Ego Is Skeleton #1

The seed has been growing in me for a while.

My Self-Portrait 11 had been placed on a wall where I saw it more and my eye kept getting drawn to it.

An inner voice urged me to try something with the same image.  And then I went to see the Van Gogh's Bedrooms exhibition at the Chicago Art Institute last Wednesday and Thursday (March 9th & 10th 2016). And finally the breakthrough to try paints overcame me.

Yesterday, March 12, I stopped in the local Hobby Lobby while running the weekly errands and bought an acrylic paint set and some paper for painting.

I took the kit apart. Examined the paints. Watched a little bit of an introductory video and then just jumped in. I decided not to sketch out the design and as a result, it is lacking the otherworldly distortion I would have liked to capture more of.  I also would have liked to create more texture on either side of the path.  Other parts I am quite happy with.  Even though this is originally based on a photo and then on a drawing, I think it evokes something in my imagination that created a feedback loop.

Here are the original photo and drawing:

Basis for original drawing from March 2015

Self-Portrait 11 from March 2015

Figure It Out! A Great Drawing Book for the Fledgling Artist

Well, it's been several months since I have updated.  It has been a very hard few months as I had a protracted cold and work has been very hard in throwing up those petty little annoyances that make getting any meaningful work done.  I only did one or two drawings in the meantime, usually based on videos from a very good YouTube site called My Drawing Tutorial which has a variety of tutorials.

I also received a human figure manikin and a hand manikin for Christmas and I spent quite a few pages just drawing the figures in different poses just to let my mind build new neural pathways.  But I was not finding satisfaction in my progress.

It finally occurred to me to see what kind of drawing books our local Hobby Lobby has (I don't know why it takes so long to think of these things) and I found a great variety of books including one called Figure It Out! The Beginner's Guide to Drawing People  which is the opening photo for this essay.

One of the reasons I decided to get this book and another one called Draw 50 Famous Cartoons: The Step-by-Step Way to Draw Your Favorite Classic Cartoon Characters is so that when I felt like drawing but didn't have a major project of my own to satisfy my urge, I could have some ready suggestions at hand.

So, starting Sunday, which was March 6, 2016, I drew my first drawing from Figure It Out! which was a male human face:

And I thought it turned out pretty well.  Yesterday, Monday, I had a full day off of work and no other chores to do so  I was able to devote several hours to drawing and drew these:

One of the main lessons I am learning from this experience of teaching myself to draw is the expectation of perfectionism.  Now intellectually, I know I shouldn't be able to draw perfectly right out of the bat, to kill a metaphor, but emotionally it is much harder because as an American who went through the public school system, we are psychologically damaged so that we are constantly measuring ourselves against our classmates and this causes us to devalue both ourselves and the work we can produce.  I think this kills our imagination and puts us into a low-self-esteem mode that makes us more manageable to government bureaucracies that enjoy managing our lives.  And we've been taught through experience that we aren't very valuable anyway, so why not let some controlling sociopath control our lives for us?

The other thing I've learned is that drawing can be very hard on the beginner, even though I spent probably 5 hours at the drawing table yesterday, most of the time is spent on the initial step of getting the oval shape of the head right.  But I have decided this is okay as you see, I drew the same image twice, once where I couldn't get the shape of the head right, or at least, to my satisfaction, but I decided I would draw it once to completion and then draw it again and I was very pleased with how the second attempt turned out.

This morning I was having the same problem trying to draw a head facing to the left and in that case I left my misshapen oval and decided to do a blog post.

So there's the update!

Self Portrait Number 17

Well, it has been months since I have produced a self-portrait.  Over the summer I had a greater interest in drinking a beer while reading from my Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars Battleworld Box Set after work, but as the end-of-day sunshine became impossible to capture and the  weather worsened I have taken refuge in my drawing table once more.

This picture is from a video I made back in October. I had been looking for another project to work with my water color pencils and this screen capture had the rays of sunlight at my head making it fun to try and capture.

After Self Portrait 16, I was anxious to work with color again but every attempt I made was unsatisfying.  I began to get frustrated with nearly everything I was trying to produce and eventually just took to doing the occasional practice drawing.

After the long summer break, I had enough time between drawings that I went back to using the drawing upside down technique for this project.  Much of the anxiety that presented itself after Self Portrait 16 had receded and I just started drawing as if I had never taken a break.

I think Self Portrait 17  took at least two months from start to finish which points out to me the need to record the start date just so I know my own progress.

I did get some wonderful new tools for my drawing for Christmas, a brand new drawing table.  A nice LED light that stretches across the table, some flesh tone pencils, a male form drawing manikin and a male hand manikin. So since Christmas I have been practicing action shots with the manikin.

Now that I am at the end of the year and have produced 17 self-portraits and a variety of practice sketches, I am very glad I started on this last year.  I still need a lot of practice but I have drawings that I have drawn.  The idea that I cannot draw has been vanquished, it is only to figure out how to sketch certain things or control the ratios and perspective of what I am attempting to draw.  I look at the world differently now.  When I look at a person or an object, my mind starts breaking the basic shapes down and I am constantly asking myself, 'How can I draw this? How can I bring out the color in this?" so that this has been one of the most successful New Years Resolution-type things I've ever attempted.

Harry Potter and the Fourth Chakra

Story opens in the town of the Riddle family years after the Riddles are all found dead.

There is a pub called the Hanging Man which is a reference to the 12^th card of the Major Arcana and can also refer to Odin hanging from the World Ash Tree in order to learn the meaning of all the runes.

While there were no snakes in The Prisoner of Azkaban, at least not that I recall, in the very first chapter a very large snake makes an appearance as an old man eavesdrops on Voldermort and Peter What's-his-name, the traitor who lived for 12 years as the Weasley's pet rat Scampers.

The snake tells Voldemort the old man is listening outside the door and Voldomort has Peter bring the old man in and then murders him.

Then Harry Potter wakes up with his scar hurting, he has just dreamed all of this.

Harry thinks of who he can talk to about his scar. He rejects Hermionie and Ron after imagining what their advice would be and decides to contact his godfather, Sirius Black who is still on the run.

Since the third chakra is all about the heart, we find Harry's home life improving somewhat because he has discovered Sirius and the Dreasly family, knowing that Harry has a relation to such a person thought to be a murderer, treats Harry better.

Again, just like in the preceding novels, Harry's home life imrpoves based on lies. Not that it matters so much because the Dreasly family has no desire to know the truth

For the first time in the series we see Ron becoming jealous of Harry after Harry's name comes flying out of the Goblet of Fire.

First task involves dragons and the acquisition of a golden egg

Second task deals with with water and mere-people

Third task involves finding a way through a hedge maze to claim a kind of cup.

When Harry and Cedric both clasp the cup, I am assuming the cup is a loving cup with a handle on each end, they are transported to the Riddle estate

Cedric is murdered right away.  Cedric means "kind and loved"

So the Tri Wizard trophy is  a loving cup one handle grabbed by Harry the other handle grabbed by Cedric

Cedric's murder strikes me as a human sacrifice, that Harry led Cedric to be sacrificed so that Harry could escape Voldemort. This point seems to be proven when Harry can't accept the winnings from the Tri Wizard winnings. It's blood money that Harry finally gives to the Weasly twins so they can start their joke shop. So the sacrifice of Cedric, of “Kind and Loved” is transformed or transmuted into a joke.

So, how is my thesis going? Do the Harry Potter books align with the main chakra system? So far they seem to but in this book, the heart is blown up, in a matter of speaking. Kindness and love are sacrificed.

The serpent makes a reappearance at the start of this novel as Voldemort's pet snake.

Just to recapitulate from memory, there is a boa constrictor Harry releases from the zoo in the first novel.

There is a basilisk in the second novel that lives in the Chamber of Secrets.

I don't recall a serpent in Azkaban.

And Voldemort's pet snake is introduced at the start of this novel.  Voldemort's pet snake is named Nagini and while looking for an image for this set of notes, I found that Nagini is Hindu for the female snake gods.  A naga or nagini is also a person in possession of the Kundalini, or serpent life force.

Harry Potter and the Third Chakra

Note: As a reminder, these are my notes on reading through the Harry Potter series.  Plenty of spelling errors are to be expected and all conclusions should be considered soft conclusion or speculations. In this case, there was about a week's break between finishing the reading of the book and concluding my notes.

Lots of wolf imagery in the book so far. Don't really know if this has anything to do with the third chakra at this point but...

Okay, so this story starts with Harry at home wanting to get a permission slip signed by his guardians so he can go into this town that only third year students with their parents or guardians can visit at Halloween.

There is a news story about an escaped convict named Sirius Black, Sirius is the dog star. Black could refer to Saturn as black is usually used as a symbol for Saturn, the Dark Side, in most movies, like Revenge of the Jedi where Luke is clearly moving toward the dark side of the force.

Some fat aunt who also hates Harry is coming for a visit, if Harry behaves and backs up his uncle's story about the school Harry is attending, the uncle promises to sign the permission slip

Things go very bad as the fat aunt gets drunk and insults Harry's parents and Harry uses magic to causer to to fill up like a balloon

Harry figures he is going to be expelled from Hogwarts for using magic again and he runs away from home. While he is out on his own, he sees a big dog or wolf. He wonders if he has imagined this and feels in danger. Just then a bus for stranded wizards turns up.

Harry takes the bus to London

Harry find the minister of magic is already in London waiting for him. Harry doesn't understand why he isn't being expelled since it is the second time he has used magic while on vacation. The minister tells him not to worry about it.

Harry stays in a part of London that is magic friendly and eventually Ron and Herminie show up. Ron's rat, Scampers, I think, is finally given some book time and a orange cat is introduced as Herminie's new pet. The cat and rat immediately strain Ron's and Herminie's friendship.

On the train to Hogwarts, the children ride in a car with the new teacher of defense against the black arts, Professor Lupin, Lupin obviously refers to wolfs as Lupin is Lupine without the 'e.' It occurred to me if Hogwarts spent any time on teaching English etymology, half the mysteries in the book would be instantly solved just by the characters knowing what their own names mean.

While on the train, a Dementor attacks Harry for no apparent reason. The Dementor represents fear itself which finally brings us to one of the functions of the third chakra, the elimination of fear. Professor Lupin sends the Dementor off with a spell taht produces bright light, which again, third chakra, let you inner sun burn the cloud of fear from your inner sky.

Later this point is made implicitly when Harry and Lupin are having tea. Harry felt that Lupin things Harry is weak because in the Defesne class, Lupin doesn't give Harry a shot with the bogart, which is a being that presents itself as a person's greatest fear. Lupin assumes Voldemort will be Harry's greatest fear and doesn't want to freak the other students out but Harry tell Lupin that he was thinking of a Dementor. This impresses Lupin because it suggests Harry's true fear is a fear of fear itself.

Keeping up with the pet theme, one of the girls from the Huff & Puff house has a rabbit that is killed by a fox. This is part of a premonition the prophecy teacher gives to her class.

Oh yes, the prophecy teacher is introduced. Again, I don't know if this is related specifically to the third chakra but perhaps as we move up the chakras we come closer to being able to use premonition and intuition.

During the quidich match with Raven Claw, Harry is on his new broom, a Firebolt, which is the best of the best and even the game commentator cannot keep from talking about the merits of the new broom over giving play by play of the game, then there is a descriptive sentence about Harry catching a glimps of gold just before he is attacked by Dementors again. This time, Harry grabs his wand and casts a spell he has been practicing that shoots a bright silver-white light at the fear eaters. The gold is the color of the third, or solar plexus chakra. The silver-white light is the silver cord that shoots out from the solar plexus when one soul travels or astral projects but I have never considered it may be used defensively, whether by some external spiritual darkness or the inner sadness and depression most of use subject ourselves to.

In the previous quidich game against Huff and Puff, it was a stark contrast to the one descibed above: It was stormy. Harry was full of doubt. The entire team was upset that Slithering had begged out of the match due to Malfoy's alleged broken arm. And then just as Harry is reaching for the little gold ball that will end the match, the Dementors show up and, attracted by Harry's personal pain, they attack or feed off of him. He falls off his broom and his Nimbus 2000 blown into the wamping willow and is smashed to pieces which is why Harry needs a new broom. It was in between these two matches that a mysterious benefactor sends Harry the Firebolt and Professor Lupin teachers Harry the Petrolis spell that repels the Dementors and Harry also learns why they are attracted to him.

So the main point I want to drive home here, in relation to the third chakra, it is the confrontation and banishment of fear

After Harry captures the little gold ball, he is congratulated by Lupin on his mastery of the petrolous spell but then it is revealed that the Dementors were fake, they were Malfoy and his two cronies attempting to psych Harry out but instead the fear they wished to project was projected back on them.

Also, I think the appearances are made much of in the Raven Claw match. The sports commentator keeps talking about the benefits of the Firebolt broom and then there are the fake dementors.

I found the end of this book to be anti-climatic in spite of the time travel them. Yes, there is a time travel theme. I am not sure if that relates to the third chakra in any way but that would be an area of further study.

The thing about the time travel them in this book is it doesn't change anything. Hermione (finally looked up the spelling) has been using time travel throughout the book in order to take twice as many classes with the blessing of Professor McGonagall, I would point out here that her name is Minerva McGonagall so her initials would be MM, 1313. MM is also Roman for 2000. 1313 is also BB. Again, what any of this means is an issue for further study.

So, what happens as the climax is Harry and Hermione attempt to rescue Hagrid's Hippogriff. To the movie's credit, this is fleshed out much better in the movie than the book, but the Hippogriff is going to be put down as a dangerous magical creature because it has attact Malfoy. Harry had approached the Hippogriff in the respectful way and was able to befriend it. Malfoy thinks this means the Hippogriff isn't dangerous because he considers Harry a coward for fainting in the presence of the Dementors and the Hippogriff attacks Malfoy injuring his arm. So right here you have the whole lesson of courage and false courage.

Another big theme of this book is shape-shifting. Lupin is a werewolf and there is nothing he can do about this, he was bitten and so every full moon Dumbledoor has arraigned a place for Lupin to confine himself to so he doesn't hurt anyone. This makes Lupin feel isolated but he makes friends with Harry's father, James, Sirisu Black, and Peter Pettigrew.

In order to make Lupin feel less alone, the three other friends become shapeshifters also.

James turns into the stag

Sirius, of course, turns into a big black dog

Peter turns into a rat, again obvious in the last name Pettigrew, grew small.

One the night that the Hippogriff is to be executed, Harry, and Hermione run into Serious and Lupin. Lupin hasn't taken his potion which allows him to keep his sense of humanity while turned into a wolf and turns visciouls.

Scampers is revealed to be Peter.

Sirius is revealed to be innocent.

Nothing goes right and Harry and Hermione end in the infirmary and Sirius is being held in a tower waiting to be taken back back to Azkaban, which itself is a prision of time, I think. A and Z are the first and last letters of the English alphabet and I believe this to be a reference to Alpha and Omega, the Greek alphabet. Ba and Ka are Egyptian words that reference different aspects of the human soul so that could make AzKaBan Hell that contains the soul for all time. It's probably a hypercube.

Dumbldore knows Hermione has been using a time travel device and he advises her a Harry that “three turns should do it” Three again for the third chakra, and this takes Harry and Hermione back three hours where they rescue the Hippogriff and use it to free Sirius from the tower.

And from there the book just sort of ends. Nothing is really resolved. Sirius has to remain on the run. Harry has to spend the summer with the Dreazleys once again. I think there is one more confrontation with Malfoy but everything after the rescue of Sirius doesn't remain in my memory.

I would say that Harry learns to master his courage in this book. The Dementors can now be neutralized with the Patronus spell. Patronus comes from Patron and when Harry rescues himself from the Dementors the spell takes the form of the stage so at first Harry concludes it was his father but it turned out to be him. Harry has become a man over the course of this story which fits in with his being 13. In many cultures 13 is the age a child becomes and adult.

Me, as an Artist

As I continue on my journey, teaching myself to draw and use color, I have come to realize what a true study and discipline art actually is and is meant to be. I am constantly thinking back to art class in grade school and how the discipline of art wasn't really emphasized. It was giving kids colors and a task but either you could draw or you couldn't. You were either good at art or you simply had to tolerate it until you could go on to study real subjects in high school.

I remember in the second or third grade we had an art teacher who went off on a rant at the end of a class when were were tasked with drawing Santa Clause. The teacher may have emphasized that she wanted action in the drawing but didn't really explain what she wanted very well. The thing I remember most about trying to draw this Santa Clause is being stuck on the nose.

Drawing a nose was a big issue for me in my early years of school. Whenever I had to draw a face I would feel my nose and I felt my nostrils and nose formed a sort of soft letter “m” but when ever I tried to represent this, the nose always ended up looking like a pig nose. This was so frustrating to me and I didn't understand I was attempting to represent the most 3-D part of the face on a 2-D plane, and I understood nothing about shading, I doubt I ever heard the word and if I did I certainly didn't understand it.

So, when the teacher was going off on her rant about how all of the Santas were looking static, I was still stuck on the disappointment of having drawn yet another pig nose when the teacher stopped at my desk and held my drawing up as an example of, at least, an attempt to put some action into the drawing because my Santa looked like he was taking a step forward.

Well, this was because I also had trouble drawing symmetrically and I drew one boot in black marker that was smaller than the other boot so it looked like was taking a step forward to my teacher, whereas to me, it just looked like I couldn't draw two sides of a human body that looked the same and I actually felt worse because I was being praised for something I didn't intend to do. And plus, my Santa had a pig nose!

But the good thing about this incident is it had enough of an emotional implication that the memory has stuck with me and while I was reflecting upon this memory, that as incompetent as my drawings at that age were, I was attempting real art. I was attempting to represent a human nose as it was. I studied my own nose and I looked at the noses of my classmate and even though I couldn't not competently reproduce what I was seeing, I was striving.

Had an adult been able to explain this much to me and cleared up some other misconceptions I had picked up on kindergarten (the teacher had said that people had skeletons and we had to draw them not as Popsicle people but we had to include the skeleton, I thought I had to start drawing by drawing a skeleton first, then I drew the skin and then I drew the cloths and while it sounds funny now, I was very stressed out over this as it didn't make any sense to me) then maybe I could have gotten over that hurdle and started drawing a long time ago.

But these are the things we go through in this live. I don't think they are to be regretted. Yes, I would love if I could have been drawing sooner but I recognize that this is life and we are all going at our own pace and if it took me to 50 to make it past this block, well, at least I made it past that block in this lifetime. What else is there to do in life? Nearly everything, and perhaps everything that the culture or society or that very small group that festers within governments and universities that decide for us that which is important as you mastering yourself, overcoming those hurdles and pains that the culture makers have laid inside you in order to make you a more easily controllable citizen.

As you exercise your own discipline to study what you are in this life to study, as you become more of an artist in and of your self, the threat of would-be culture creators diminishes and you become more you without the drawbacks of egotism and narcissism, which are traps laid by the culture creators to keep us more keepable.

When I first started drawing, I was loath to label myself as an artist but through the process of observation, disciplined study, and self-discipline, I have earned that title. I am an artist. Regardless of the scale or skill level, what I produce is art.  If it touches other people, that would be awesome, if I am the only audience that can appreciate my art right now, that just as valuable.  We don't all start out equally nor do we all finish equally but we all have an equal chance of making something that is unique to who we are.  And that is the only equality there can be.