Dream of the Buffalo (Bull) and Bear (Dog) 2/27/2015

From the morning of February 27, 2015.

I dream I am living in a new place. Everything is grayish blue. I am walking home from work following a river or a stream when a buffalo appears out of nowhere. It is following me slowly. I might feed it something after I first encounter it.

I remember a story about a buffalo following someone home in the news and even though the buffalo isn't aggressive at all, I am starting to get frightened because it is still a big, powerful animal.

I go to my house which is also new, not the one I live in now nor is it one that I have ever lived in. The house is decorated in the same bluish-gray hue of the outside world. It is a two story house, tastefully decorated.

I go upstairs to the bathroom, which is a much nicer, bigger bathroom than anywhere I have ever lived, and get ready to bathe The tub is big enough to take a comfortable bath but I cannot get the encounter with the buffalo out of my mind. I think about what might happen if the buffalo followed me home? What is my escape route. At the same time I feel I am being silly. It is just a fantasy and I feel, more or less, perfectly safe.

The bathroom only has one door in and I imagine the buffalo walking in and what happened if it became threatening. In my dream imagination it becomes a bull and points its horns at me as it readies to charge and I realize it cannot aim at me with its horns and see me so I think that will give me some chance to escape.

I am undressing in front of the mirror and down to my undershirt and underwear. I am still thinking about the buffalo, feeling more vulnerable since I am undressed but I think I would hear it if it came in the front door, right? It would have to make some noise opening the door and more noise as such a huge beast walked up a flight of stairs. But everything is pretty quiet in my new house at the moment.

I begin to relax and prepare to enter the water in my lovely new house when a bear comes lumbering in the bathroom door. I am petrified but the bear, looking like a black bear with brown highlights, smiles at me like a dog might. There is nothing but the kind of love and loyalty a dog might project in its eyes but the thing is freaking huge yet it leaves space for me to get behind it and out the door if I wish. It seems to know that it is terrifying in some way and seems apologetic for that fact.

I am thinking, “Where did this bear come from?” I am only in my t-shirt and briefs but I have to get out of the house and I slowly make my way behind the bear who, like the buffalo, makes no aggressive move toward me.

I think of the embarrassment of having to leave my house in my underwear and what my new neighbors might think of that spectacle but that it is the right thing to do since animals can be unpredictable and the dream ends as I am walking down the stairs to the open door.

Self-Portrait Number 6 and 7- In Color and Black and White

After last week's disaster in trying to use color, I decided to draw the same photo in black and white.

I took a lot of time with the above photo and I just stopped today after taking a side by side photo comparison.

At this point, I took one more look at the uncolored drawing, erased a few jagged lines but decided to stop at this point because I felt I made some progress in giving some 3D and I got the slight unevenness of my face pretty well and I didn't want to ruin what I already had by making changes.

One thing I felt while working on the second drawing is a great love for myself for the face, working to get it right. So, if someone has a problem with self-love, this could be a good therapy. Especially in a case where I am working on a picture from 20 years ago.

But also I noticed when I am drawing another person, even if it doesn't work out as well as I like, I am loving the person while I am drawing. Which I don't know if it is like that for everyone who is trying to draw a face but it seems right to me. But maybe that is how you become an artist, it  isn't the skill of being able to draw but to love what you are drawing?

Interlude: Between Self-portraits

Teaching myself to draw is one of the most rewarding things I have done in a very long time.

After my last self-portrait, which is available as the previous post on this blog. I felt I wanted to draw something else. Really, I wanted to draw a flower but I didn't feel comfortable with my level of skill in making a flower "pop" from graphite and paper, so I found this photograph from Olbrich Gardens with some flowers in it:

Even though I am not happy with how this eventually turned out, it was fun to attempt and more importantly, I learned a very important lesson.  If you see the subject's shoulder is exagerated. This is because at first the face was too wide so I made it a little narrower but I didn't alter the body which was was already drawn.  Again, like in my last self-portrait, number 5, I drew this and the remaining images upside down and I didn't really noticed this distortion until I turned the picture right-side up.  But the idea that I could erase a part of the face I had already drawn so much around was a revelation to me

Here is the photo:

Here is a second drawing I did. I found this one very interesting because of the light play. Also, I did not quite know what to do with the arms since they are cut off, that has been an issue in other drawings too where only a portion of something being drawn appears in the photo. The difficulty is I am not focused on creativity at this point but working on getting a likeness and yet sometimes.

Also the shading was interesting. I think I went a little overboard with the darkness for the shading but at the same time, I discovered I had a tool that lets me blend the graphite. It is like a little white pencil and I am sure it has a name but I do not know what is and, I obviously haven't mastered its use at this point. I find the likeness I achieved in both these instances interesting and yet still wanting.

And yet, I am starting to imagine being creative though no definite vision has yet presented itself.a

Finally, and perhaps because of my thoughts of eventual creativity, I was inspired to recreated somebody else's creativity. I recently bought this book, AMERICAN GROTESQUE The Life and Art of William Mortensen as a present for a friend and while I haven't given the book over yet, I used  the cover as an inspiration to draw a more complex drawing.

I used the actual book itself and it was a little dark where I was working so it was very hard for me to determine some of the detail but overall, I am quite pleased with how my reproduction turned out.  It is really the first time I have attempted a full body drawing and here there are two full bodies and they are even intertwined to an extent.

You can get American Grotesque here at Feral House and other places where fine art books are sold, I am sure

Self Portrait Week 5

I got a head start on this week.

This time I tried drawing upside down. It was a weird feeling and while it didn't take me that long, it felt like my hardest one to draw, to date. I felt like something in my mind was fighting or objecting while I drew.

Ultimately, this is my favorite one so far.